Joe Arpaio and the birthers? Nah. Truthers? Meh. G8 protesters? Sign me up!

This was going to be about Maricopa County (my home county, I’m so proud) Sherriff Joe Arpaio’s recent ‘posse’ investigation into President Obama’s citizenship. Yeah people are still investigating the birth certificate thing. The only good thing I can say about Joe is that he ensures, for all of history, that I will not win the ‘most embarrassing thing to come out of Maricopa County’ award.

Thanks Joe.

The fact is that anyone, anywhere, still harbors a shadow of a doubt about the president’s citizenship, is a fucking idiot, really reaching the outer limits of any reasonable definition of sanity.

Here maybe a pop culture reference will explain it for you, doubtful but maybe.

But that fruit is just too low hanging if you know what I mean. Besides Joe’s up for reelection, so there’s that. The fact that he’d pull this stunt wasn’t at all shocking (pink prison underwear, immigration enforcement and tents for prisoners) nor was the fact that the voters of Maricopa county will eat it up like Mexicans eat tacos.

I grew up there; it will play well, sadly.

It’s just, meh. Boring maybe? We’re all collectively tired of the Birthers. He’s the president, fuck you county sheriff … aren’t there some brown people you can go bother? Oh wait.

So I thought about picking on my favorite left wing conspiracy group, the Truthers. Sadly that will just end in a retarded discussion where I’m called a “sheeple” and me just baffled that a seemingly otherwise intelligent person could buy into this idea. I even watched ‘Loose Change’, I DID! Don’t watch Loose Change, I warned you.

I admit it, I'm a sheeple.

Look 19 hijackers flew planes into the World Trade Center, the Pentagon and a plot of land in Pennsylvania. Osama Bin Laden yelled, “fuck you America I did that shit” (or words to that effect). We invaded the right country, fucked it up, invaded the wrong country, fucked it up and then kind of got it right. We then started working on the first country again (with mixed results). You’re prepositioned explosions and hologram airplanes (seriously funny article there) are retarded so god damned retarded that Charlie fucking Sheen espouses the view point.

It’s akin to people that claim to have been abducted by aliens and anally probed.

Anal probing aliens always kind of make me laugh. So the Aliens have the ability to travel across the galaxy? They weren’t spotted by any of our technology? They have the ability to ‘beam you up’ into their ship? And they’re interest is in your ass? Listen sir or ma’am your ass just isn’t that interesting I promise.

Conspiracy theories are fun, I love them honestly I do.

That leaves me with the G8 and the people that protest the G8, namely their declaration of victory because the G8 summit was moved to Camp David. The move part I don’t care about, other than I’m glad the G8 will have a quiet place, free of pissed off hippies, to meet.

I’m picking on the G8 because my boss considers me a liberal hippy (mostly because I’ve proclaimed loudly at work, “I’m a liberal hippy!” daily for two years.) And maybe I am, in a lot of respects.

Not here.

Dear G8 protesters, who cares?

The G8, for those that need a refresher, are the following countries: Canada, France, Germany, Italy, Japan, Russia, the U.K. and the U.S. Hint to G8 I think it’s time to add in China, but I understand if you don’t want to.

Boiled down, to the point is has no flavor left whatsoever, these eight nations meet yearly, usually in the summer, to discuss economics, policy, security and other things that make the guy designing the power point presentations want to cry.

We're going to keep burning cars until the violence stops!

Okay what fun that little joke was but you can Google G8 protest reasons all day long … it comes down to those and a few other topics.

Here’s the thing G8 protesters; you’re getting your head caved in by riot police doesn’t ensure that poverty get’s discussed at the meeting. Do you know why?

It was already being discussed.

Do you really think that on the last day of the summit, when everyone has their bags packed and are just waiting for the closing remarks to finish before hailing cabs to the airport some dude walks up to the podium and reads the following announcement.

“Hey we’ve had a great conference and Italy you were wild at the closing party last night, did you get your underwear back? No? I think France took them … France, give Italy her underwear back. Look as many of you are aware there are a lot of protesters outside, don’t worry Russia. But they specifically asked that we discuss poverty. I know, I know, I was like, what? Crap we forgot poverty? We had that day-long discussion of who had the cutest language … shut up Japan you didn’t win fair and square … you won hottest porn award. So look I propose that for the next few hours, we discuss poverty, no Russia not how to make people poorer, how to make them richer, you know how to get rid of poverty. It would mean a lot to the kids outside, what do you say?”

Let me hit this cop with a thin piece of wood, get ready to yell POLICE BRUTALITY!


I’m sure on some level, we both (the G8 protesters and I) agree that these countries need to meet up and make connections, talk about important issues and develop personal relationships, be they between leaders, staffers or the security guys that wish they were outside bashing hippy heads in.

I just don’t see what your protest brings to the table. Every one of the participating nations is a democracy (haha Russia you are! Neiner, neiner!). They have elected officials and I assume (wild ass guess here) that each of protesters votes so … What the fuck are you doing? Other than giving the left wing of politics a (deserved in this case) dirty-hippy image, what the fuck are you doing? Occupy wall street had their shit more together than you do and I still don’t know what their main objectives were other than, ‘Wall Street sucks’.

Go there if you must. I’ll never say you shouldn’t be allowed to protest, protest all you like. You might as well protest that the military industrial complex needs to be reminded that it needs tax payer dollars to develop new way to kill ‘dudes that need killing’ though. Here’s a hint if the cops, who by the way LOVE getting all Conan the Barbarian on your hippy asses, ask you not to crowd a barrier or not to go to a place outside the designated area … don’t fucking do that shit.

Besides the fact that everything you think should be discussed is already being discussed do you really think your shenanigans are altering the discourse?

Of course you don’t, you just want to be on TV.

2 responses to “Joe Arpaio and the birthers? Nah. Truthers? Meh. G8 protesters? Sign me up!

  1. you are not a liberal hippy! you are not willing to have your brains beat out for your cause

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