Hit like or nothing will happen… another rant about Facebook. Posted on Facebook


“Hit like or God smites a puppy with a hot curling iron on a farm in Wisconsin in 2.3 seconds, 2.2 seconds, 2.1 seconds, 2.0 seconds, 1.9 seconds,” or some such shit.

Yeah yeah, I’ve bitched about Facebook before, and will again, but I only do it because it’s easy it’s the patriotic thing to do.  If I don’t bitch about Facebook the terrorists win.

Also, that whole “If you don’t do X, the terrorists win,” thing is over right? How about crossing out words that show what you truly mean? Is that okay still? I heard it was over, but I can’t be sure.

I can’t keep this shit straight.

But yeah Facebook, fucking Facebook, here we are again with me bitching about Facebook.

I’m to blame, I know this. I do know that if I wasn’t such a friends whore this wouldn’t be an issue.  But I am a friends whore because currently it’s pretty much the only way this blog gets read (from my Facebook feed, I mean). So that means if you ask to be my Facebook buddy on the first date, I’ll say, “Hell to the YES!”

You’ll also catch a virus, but that’s what you get for friending a whore.

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Are we even sure Jesus is on Facebook? Do they have wireless up there or what? Also what if I don’t like this? Does it count against me? What’s the official position on these sort of questions?

But fuck, really, come on. Most of you are fucking up Facebook with a passion I cannot conjure the words to describe.    I’m not even talking about those of you who change your cover photo to show a happy moment with your family or post status updates about a pregnancy.

That shit is honestly awesome and I love reading it.

I don’t mean the ones who go on about this or that current event.  Hell, I’m guilty of that myself. And I actually love reading other’s thoughts and perspectives on different issues.

The ones fucking it up are those fuckers who play games, invite me to games and share fucking retarded photos.

“Hit like if you love Jesus. Scroll past is you want to burn in eternal hell fire …” Eleventy million of you fuckers took a second to hit fucking like.

Anyone who has ever hit like on a photo telling them to like it or else should be grounded from the Internet for a day. Myself included.

Also can you go ahead and like this blog?  Here’s the link. If you don’t like it, no harm, no foul.  I should warn you though — if you read this and don’t like it, the nail on your left pinky toe will become infected in May and that’s like just in time for sandal weather so, I’m just saying, I’d like this shit if I were you.

Then there are the games, the fucking Facebook games. Who the fuck plays these things? Don’t answer that question, I don’t really want to know.

I’ve been playing computer games since 1991 when in the first “Civilization” you could wake up the settlers on the transports and order them to irrigate the ocean. Yeah that “Civ 1.”

To every reader who didn’t get that, which I think is like all of them, I’m sorry.

This is where I quit.  There isn't a machine gun or diplomatic advisor anywhere.   All I have is a purple pony and I'm pretty sure ponies are never purple.

This is where I quit. There isn’t a machine gun or diplomatic advisor anywhere. All I have is a purple pony and I’m pretty sure ponies are never purple.

Trust me though, had you played Sid Meyer’s “Civilization 1” in 1991, that joke killed.

The point is, I know computer games and I don’t get these games.

I’m going to pause right now (while I’m writing this, not while you’re reading this because how annoying would that be) and go try “FarmVille.”…………………………………………………

I tried it. I’m sure it posted 18 million messages on my Facebook feed about who knows what. Fuck, I don’t get it.

Thankfully you can block every Facebook game ever but the newest one.

But you know what pisses me off about Facebook the most?  It’s that the alternative to Facebook is urfucked.com. Don’t even click that, it’s not a real link. But really, what is the alternative?  Google+?   Please, that shit sucks. Though to be fair, the absolutely hippest of my hip friends posts there and though I won’t name him, trust me the dude is cooler than cool and he’s there all day long.  But he’s also on Facebook, so what the fuck?

There’s some no-shit original good stuff on Facebook too though. Original funny stuff which is what I’m normally looking for.

Just to plug a few pages: WTF Army moments, the duffel blog and, because he’ll soon think I’m stalking him, Oh god my wife is German never fail to make me laugh . So add your own in the comments, I’ll read them and I’m always looking to follow something original and funny.

Anyway, enough about Facebook — at least until the next time Facebook pisses me off which will be like as soon as I’m done posting this.

One response to “Hit like or nothing will happen… another rant about Facebook. Posted on Facebook

  1. Marni Sandberg

    I loved Civ! Isn’t that the game where you could cause nuclear meltdown on the entire planet after you had spent weeks building up your cities and kicking Gandhi’s ass?

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