Happy beerday blog, you’re one year old today.
Today this craptastic collection of bad jokes, thinly-veiled, breast-fetish material and homage to alcoholism that I call “Had a Few Beers” is 1 year old.
Actually, I’m not really sure what day I started this and am really too lazy to look it up. It was January though, I remember that much. I was drinking beers in my garage when I thought, “You know what I should do with all these awesome thoughts I have, I should write them down so that the world can see how great they are.”
I should mention I was looking at a friend’s BMW parked in my garage for
the winter and thinking about the merits of tea-bagging various parts of it at the time. So there’s that, if it adds context.
But here we are 89 posts later, and I know that exact number because the dorks at WordPress insist on telling me “OH MY GOD! YOU JUST LOADED ANOTHER UPDATE” every time I, ya know, load a fucking update. I mean the last thing I want when I push “publish” is a giant pop up screen tell me about it. I have typos to fix and links to shorten. The nerds who run this place need to actually DO a blog here.
Anyway, 89 painfully obvious updates and a year later, here we are. Hitting 50,000 views in the very near future (all of them looking for information about sauna boners it would seem if the search terms are to be trusted) and I’m ready to do some more — damage.
A quick rundown of the year would go this way.
Sgt. 1st Class Taylor’s updates were the most popular per day view with 1,276 views in a 24-hour period.
The first post to reach 100 views in a day was this one and I didn’t even write it (bitch!).
The most popular search term with 1,425 hits is (do not follow this link, it’s a porn site and I honestly don’t know how or why it’s associated with HAFBs, if anyone can explain it I will pay money) Beeg.com.
The second is most popular search term is, drum roll, “nude sauna.”
The nude sauna seriously has by far been the most popular over time. A lot of people in ‘Merica are looking for nude sauna blogs, or they just want porn about saunas, I don’t know.
Look people it’s really, really hot in those things. I know people in Europe are
naked and there are mixed genders in there but it’s really, really hot in there. I promise no one is scrogging in a real sauna. Just blinking is tiresome in there, for the love of god.
The first ‘500’ views (in a day) was Things you don’t know about the military until you get out of the military.
We’ve had some great cleavage shots because a chick I know rocks at sending spur of the moment cleavage shots. (*mental note, do a cleavage montage update later).
Our favorite blogger has to be Oh God, My Wife Is German and he gave us our first “shout out” when this first started. He also gave us another shout out after winning an expatriate blogger award. He also rocks, so go read his stuff. He breaks electric razors for his blog. All I’ve ever destroyed here is my reputation — you know stupid stuff.
We have a facebook like page with over 1,000 likes (and growing) that you can reach (and like) here or over on the left if you don’t like my link.
Anyway, it’s all right here in this handy-dandy end-of-year report by the good folks at WordPress.com. Good job, nerds. You can see Marni Sandberg out performed Mmmmmags as the top commenter. Though neither broke the 20 comments. Way to underachieve, ladies.
An old Army friend, Fran, came out of the wordwork and offered to edit this damn thing, something that (as you know) was desperately needed, and another friend has started trying to market it because I tweet like old people______ and ______.
Those two ______ up above are intentional. I didn’t just start a joke and then not finish it and post it like that. I mean, I would, but I didn’t this time. I did it because I want you — the person looking for sauna-boner information — to finish that joke. Finish it and leave it in the comments. If funny enough I’ll laugh, a lot.
This leads me to the way ahead with this thing. See I’m like a ship’s captain navigating the wordy seas. Arrgh maties! Thar be a heavin’ set o’ bossoms off the port side o’ the poop deck! (Suck on that last sentence, Fran!)
I’d like to expand this thing. I’d like to get more people involved, more writers mainly. A lot of you are funny, funny, funny and if you want to try your hand at writing something let us know. Leave a comment or send an email if you’re interested.
Because, more and more, this blog is becoming more of an “us” than an “me.”
I’m also a lazy shit, I don’t want to have to do all the work.
Seriously, in what is likely the worst casting call of all time if I’m calling on you for your “lolz!”
If you can type a sentence that doesn’t make Fran want to commit suicide,( and she’s strong in that regard. I’ve really tested her on this) and if you can make a joke that’s funny and want to give it a go, reach out. I can promise you, really promise you, that if you just want to try writing without having your name associated with it, we’re your blog. If we like it we’ll push it and your name will never be released. Most of the ‘mystery’ bloggers here are easily enough figured out because they know me personally, but I’d never give out a name without permission.
Finally, and this might be years, rather than a year down the road, I realize that
some people reading this who are otherwise very funny writers might not want their name associated with HAFB.com because of well, boobies, beer and the frequency in which I say fuck.
But I do have an idea, a totally new idea, that might be more appropriate. Something without boobs, without beer and without my politics… stay tuned.
Finally (really finally this time) thanks to Dagmar for putting up with me and reading this crap. Thanks to Fran for coming on board and editing (still hoping she writes something – she’s very talented), thanks to mystery social-media guy who honestly puts up with way too much of my shit, thanks to the mystery guest bloggers and thanks to you, whoever you are, reading this. I get a lot of joy out of doing it, but it would be very, very pointless without you.