So here we are, the 100th update at Hadafewbeers.com.
Let’s fist bump in celebration. Go ahead and “blow it up” if you feel the desire. It’s that kind of party after all.
Seems kind of retarded doing another milestone update for this milestone, considering the Happy Birthday blog was just a month ago, but who cares? One hundred is a big number, and it’s a round number. Holy shit, it’s a BIG ROUND NUMBER! Actually I think “big round numbers” was the subject of a Dilbert cartoon that noted the only thing really special about 100 is that it’s big, and round — like boobs.
But instead of looking back (again) on this craptastic crapfest of crap, I thought it might be better to thank a few people. I’d like to thank them mainly because they rock, but also because they help me suck less, a lot less, in fact.
Let’s start off with Fn Rotton which sounds kind of like Sex Pistol Johnny Rotten, only less cool. Fn Rotton, aka Fran, is my editor and she basically does everything she can to make me look like less of an idiot.
Clearly she’s only moderately successful, but look what she had to start with. Between yelling at me about my multiple spaces after periods; my retarded use of the single quotation marks (which this post was riddled with, you ass. ~ Editor); and words I think I made up, but are actually already words (or when I actually do make up a word, but I somehow still manage to misspell it), I’m not sure why she volunteered to edit this thing. She must be driven by some sort of sadomasochistic psychological abnormality. I would submit she could experience the same level of pain if she actually did pluck her eyes out, something she repeatedly threatens when I aggravate her. The closest I ever came to understanding why she edits this is when she told me, “because it’s ridiculous.” After that explanation, I learned some questions don’t need answers.
Then, there’s Jesse. And let me be very frank — I don’t exactly know what the fuck Jesse does here. I only know that since he’s been doing it a lot of chicks on Twitter want to have sex with me. I also know I’m fat. I know I’m fat because at the Had A Few Beers Facebook page ads selling dieting information keep popping up. Fuck you Jesse, I’m not fat, I’m drunk.
Actually, Jesse works tirelessly to build an audience for this collection of dick jokes, boob references and who-knows-what. He does this, he explained to me, by stealing.
So, as with Fran, sometimes it’s best not to ask. Just trust, there’s nothing wrong with trust.
With any luck, by this time next year I’ll be able to thank Kevin. I’ll thank him by flying him on my private jet made of gold to a secluded island inhabited solely by beautiful, big tittied naked women. In the weeks, or maybe months to come, Hadafewbeers.com is going to move off of the WordPress servers and onto a self-hosted server, thanks to Kevin. I’m doing that because I want to run advertisements here and make a boobillion dollars. If that’s not feasible (and oddly enough, some folks think it’s not), I’d at least like this endeavor pay for itself..
That seems like a reasonable goal, and we all need goals beyond the usual, “I will now drink that beer in 8.75 seconds while in the downward facing dog position.” (That’s why my beer love has sustained all these years. Me and beer like to mix it up)
I promise the ads will not be a distraction, and will only infect your computer with photos of my testicles, because unlike Fran, Jesse and Kevin, I care about you, the readers.
And last, but certainly not least, I have to champion GG. Ain’t no fucking way I can forget GG. She sends me on-demand cleavage shots for use here. Like Fran she yells at me a lot. GG even had her own stalker her who was angry I referred to her boobs as boobs and not breasts (link, read the comments). For me, having an on-demand cleavage model already makes this blog a success. How many blog do you know that have one? That’s right, none! BOOYA! This shit is so tight it has an on-demand cleavage model! Thanks GG, and thanks the twins for me too, will you?
There have been six different guest bloggers (not counting Fran – who runs the place) and I’d be a total asshat if I didn’t thank them all. Without exception, each of their pieces made me laugh, and now 100 posts later I’m envisioning what a tickle fight between the three female writers would look like. I’m envisioning it happening in bras and panties. Maybe just panties. Are you envisioning that too? Good.
Anyway here’s a list of each of their contributions and an exciting poll! Vote for your favorite and vote for that favorite often!
Finally to all 60k+ of you that have read this thing so far, thanks. Seriously, it’s a lot of fun but if no one was looking, you can bet I wouldn’t bother.