Well, here we are, tax season in the good old U.S. of A.
It’s always during these two weeks in April when I go, “You know maybe the GOP has it right?” In fact I’ll do you one better — every week during the year with the exception of the first and second weeks of April, I’m a rabid, communist-loving, ‘merica-hating liberal, then tax season hits and by hits I mean it hits me personally with the tax code, really hard, in the dick.
During these two weeks I basically find myself, screaming nightly at the federal government.
“What the fuck is a form 1099-obscure exemption-2, you fuckers,” and, “Why the fuck can’t I save this very important, yet only needed once a year, document as a PDF?!”
Cursing like a sailor, I am slumped over the table in my kitchen trying to piece together yet another opportunity for the government to tell me, “Yeah, we fucked up, sorry! We need more money. We’re bad at the maths.”
You fuckers can put a missile up a goat’s ass from fucking space, yet calculating my paltry contribution to highway maintenance and the continued failure of our educational system is too hard to figure out? Fuck, I know about how much I’m going to owe you on April 15th. I even fucking budget for it. Yet you fuckers can’t. I mean, can’t you even look at what I owed last year, take that amount, divide it by 12 and charge me that much more each month this year?
SEE, HOW EASY THAT WAS? I’m basically retarded, and I figured it out.
It’s called budgeting, how can you not under … oh wait, I forgot who I was talking about.
Look, I’m not trying to sound like I eat steak off a hooker’s chest every night but I’ve paid about $6,000 in taxes every April for about the last six years. I’m not rich, I’m not a millionaire. Hell, I’m not even that stupid. My wife and I claim zero dependants and pay our federally mandated taxes every paycheck.
Still, every damned year the government has a financial “brain dump” and the result is them telling me, “Well, we fucked up, again. You owe more than we thought. Sorry, we’re fucking idiots, we need 6k more. Thanks, bye!”
I know, I do KNOW. I know there is income I receive that the government is unable to account for unless I tell them about it. Rental income and “investment stuff.” That money is not taxed when I receive it, and at the end of the year the “bill” has to be adjusted because there is income that they were unaware of, except for the last six fucking times I told them it was there.
It’s fucking maddening.
So that’s it for the next two weeks I’m a Republican. God damned libtards always spending our money on educating gay Mexican adopted crack babies!
- Time running out for tax procrastinators (kansascity.com)
- Tax Tips: Question arises on 401(k) refund (knoxnews.com)