Blog roll with snark and snark and a bit of extra snark on top. Read these blogs damn it.

I’m still not entirely sure what a blog roll is. It sounds like something you would force an enemy to eat. But in reality, its pretty much the exact opposite. A blog roll is where a blogger promotes other’s blogs.

There’s lot of ways to do it, I’ve been “rolled” a few times and it’s pretty awesome, unlike how it was in the 1920s when it meant you were literally rolled, on the ground, as punishment. Today getting rolled is so awesome I’m going to do the same thing but I’m going to point out the things that annoy me about my favorite blogs because I feel like it.

My complaints are more like pet peeeves, (all these blogs are really good) that note pointless little things that don’t matter to anyone except me.

You see, besides confessing my poop misadventures (and a lot of you wrote me privately that you loved that story … sick fuckers), surfing the latest advancements in boob photography and well, drinking beer, I like to read me some blogs.

Everyone knows I have an online-erection for Oh God My Wife is German. I’m totally out of the closet on this fact. I’d literally go gay for this writer because he’s just that funny. But neither of us are gay and he has a wife who, it turns out, is German.

What is it about Oh God My Wife is German that pisses me off? Moderated comments.

This is what will happen if you try to make unmoderated comments ...

This is what will happen if you try to make unmoderated comments …

Excuse me, Mr. I Hate Free Speech. Is it too much to ask that a reader comment without the heavy hand of censorship. How am I going to drunkenly and anonymously litter your comments with boob jokes, Nigerian scams and offers to sell your readers discounted Viagra, if you keep fucking moderating speech there like the speech-moderating MONSTER that you are?

And how the fuck do you get ads on your blog, dick? You sold your soul to the devil, didn’t you?

What I do like, is he has a “like” button. This allows others to effortlessly (and sort of pointlessly) indicate they like his latest update. Be sure to like this update too.

Unlike GiGi Eats Celebrities ,who has NO “like” button.

Actually, I don’t even know how I came to know about GiGi Eats Celebrities. I like to think I posted an update with the word “boobalicious” in it, and like an ancient incantation spoken by a wizard, she appeared. That’s not likely what happened, but it really doesn’t matter, because once I was on her blog, I crushed hard.  Damn it, look at her.

I don’t even know what the fuck GiGi Eats Celebrities is about to be honest. There were dancing giant leeks with faces drawn on them during one of the video blogs I watched, for fuck’s sake. All I know is that she’s fucking hot. She’s boobalicious in a way that boobalicious can’t even describe.

Sady, Gigi doesn’t literally eat celebrities because when I suggested she snack on Halle Berry, she didn’t even reply to my email. I will follow up with an Angelia Jolie suggestion, I’m not picky with that sort of stuff.

Enough GiGi jokes. Besides being “foxy”, “easy on the eyes”, “a cool drink of

See, totally hot and nuts.

When you say “work the pole,” what exactly … oh never mind

water” and other out-of-date-references for a very-attractive person, GiGi is fucking funny and awesome. In her “About Me” section she says, “Every Tuesday, I will be jumping into pools of maple syrup, rubbing pork fat all over my body, making baby-food cupcakes, working the pole, chopping cabbages, sucking on lollipops, and oh so much more.” That’s all total bullshit because I have been looking for that maple jumping and pork fat stuff a lot and never seen it even once. Don’t get me started on the shocking lack of pole working. I cry foul!

GiGi’s blog is more of a “vlog” which is awesome cause she’s hot.  It’s about eating right and points out which celebrity this week has done something dietary, for good or for ill, on that topic. She’s critiques the diet of the people on the show “Survivor,” for fuck’s sake. She’s not only hot, she’s brave. Only the retarded and the brave watch “Survivor.” Seriously, when that show is on in our house I hide.

The trouble with GiGi is she doesn’t offer me a way to pointlessly “like” her updates with a pointless “like” button. Way to be pointless, GiGi! How about adding a fucking “like” button so I don’t have to do this kind of a blog update again, OK? I want to be lazy and you’re fucking that up!

Go read/watch her stuff. Seriously, she’s awesome.

Also GiGi, call me, (but don’t tell my wife) ’cause you’re totally hot.

A few bloggers follow me and aren’t funny at all. They never blog funny boob jokes and make very few penis references or mentions of poop.

I don't want to alarm you Brit but it seems someone left an abortion on your head.

I don’t want to alarm you, Brit, but it seems someone left an abortion on your head.

One example of a blogger who’s awesome, hot and DOES mention all of the above is Brit in Bavaria. She also has unmoderated comments and a “like” button. But she’s wearing a stupid hat in her profile photo. While I love her take a British citizen living in Bavaria; her humorous look at naked Germans; and insightful post about the German culture, I hate her hat.  I want to kill it with fire. Brit’s totally cute, but she’s totally cute with a crappy hat.

That’s it for this blog roll, but there will be plenty more down the road because there are a ton of awesome blogs out there.

14 responses to “Blog roll with snark and snark and a bit of extra snark on top. Read these blogs damn it.

  1. I have decided that the blogroll is completely useless. I have had you on my blogroll forever (well since I’ve been here) and I think maybe three people have actually clicked on the link. Since you added me to yours I think I have had about three people visit my blog from your blog. It’s a nice gesture, but unless you write an entire blog post dedicated to someone else – it won’t go far. “Oh God My Wife is German” is a blog I viewed because you introduced him to me – but I follow it because he is fucking hilarious. Same thing with Sweet Mother (who seems to be on some sort of hiatus at the moment).

    I have found that more than the blogroll – the “recent comments” or “recent posts I like” get more views than the blogs I have on the blogroll.


    • I have had the opposite experience actually. My blogroll has been used quite a number of times. That being said, you are right that mentioning someone in a post does generate more traffic.

      • I’m with Germericandenglish here Sophist6. They do help in my experience and I’d love to hear more from everyone involved on that topic. The point was though to call out a few blogger that I like reading and if it increases hits, great and if not, the intent was still there. Gigi, OGMWIG and stupid-hat girl always make me laugh. That’s good enough.

  2. Bloody brilliant. In my defence that hate with abortion on it only cost 7 Euro in a second-hand shop. I believe the going rate for an abortion is about 200 Euros so that’s quite a good deal.

  3. So hat + abortion = profit? That IS brilliant!

  4. Hey Beers!

    I was wondering why your blog was kicking an unusual number of visitors over to mine yesterday, then I saw this lovely post of yours and understood. Thank you very much for the mention! I really appreciate it. I also read it to my wife, who thought it was very cool.

    I explained to her the thing I like about your blog is that you write it like you don’t give a shit. No limits, nothing is sacred. I respect that. Keep up the great work man!

    • See that up there? That’s an UNMODERATED comment … CRAZY! Dude thanks, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE reading your stuff it never fails to make me laugh … Hopefully we can meet for a beer someday before I eventually head back across the pond.

      • Haw haw! Man, when I first started this blog, I anticipated all sorts of hate mail, especially because I knew I would be talking about Germany. I knew I would be just one Nazi comment away from throwing the whole thing away. And sure enough, first thing after blog post #1… Nazi comment. I had the luxury of NOT approving that particular comment, and I’ve been hooked ever since.

        Also, I keep our blog as anonymous as possible, so I can’t have my friends and family members accidentally using our names. Maybe someday I’ll lift these restrictions… but on that day, I will definitely be drunk.

        • Lol … If I could go back I’d definitely try harder on the anon part. Such is life. Question though how did you initially publicize it along with keeping your name out of it? That seems like it would be hard as hell … be curious to hear how you went about it.

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