Tag Archives: Afghanistan

Every time the Petraeus scandal is updated in the news, this happens in my head

A few people, and not ALL of them are in my head either, asked why I was so quiet about the Petraeus scandal.

Someone even thought it was (drum roll … ) on purpose.

English: Official photo of David Petraeus, Dir...

Powerful, older man, has sex with hotter younger woman that finds powerful older men attractive?  No … this doesn’t happen.  (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s not.   I mean I’ve been sending most of you topless photos of myself for months now and I haven’t been called by the Huffington post at all.  What gives?   Also some of your comments about my photos were really, really mean.    I think comparing my abs to a plucked chicken breast was a bit out of line.

But still why aren’t I talking about it?   Because every time I start to think about it the following conversation occurs in my head.

This is the stupidest story ever.   Why do you insist on thinking about it …

Look, we’ve got a super-powerful man that has slowly, methodically worked his way up to a position of national importance that’s married to a frumpy-looking, yet dedicated and by all accounts loving, wife.


So then the powerful man meets a pretty lady that thinks he is, ‘super cool’ and wants to tell the world how, ‘super cool’ he is via a biography she eventually pens.   They both also rub their genitals together for ‘the sex’.

Sure, unfortunate but otherwise fairly normal.   Isn’t this actually the plot line to like hundreds of romance/suspense movies?

There’s also a third woman.  Which …

Okay now we’re getting the crazy levels up, we’re adding some spicy spice to the damned sauce.   Go on please.

The third woman, who coincidentally thinks, though reality says otherwise, that

This is honestly the only funny thing about this whole train wreck. Fake or not, and I suspect fake, it’s hysterical. Thanks for sending it to me Alex.

she’s somehow, and this part is sort of unclear, entitled to diplomatic protection services even though she’s A: not a diplomat, or employed by the department of anyone and B: is bat-fuck nuts.  It will become clear why she feels she’s entitled to this in a moment.

That’s fucking weird, how the hell is she the third woman, did he do her too?  Was it like an awesome threesome?

No he didn’t do her too.   Just wait a moment, I’ll tell you.   Seems the biographer chick he was doing somehow got pissed off at the ‘not a diplomat but thinks she is chick because – it’s fucking Florida’ and then biographer chick sent her ‘threatening emails.”

Like “I’ll drive-across the county in a diaper” threatening emails that the astronaut chick sent?  Cause I loved that story.

Almost but not quite, this one is almost as good though.

Back to the threesome, was it a hot threesome?

There was no threesome, you made that part up.

Well then how did the biographer chick find out about the other chick?

Through emails, somehow.   I think she had access to his email.

Friendster ... come for the friends, stay for the hot biographical chicks?

Friendster … come for the friends, stay for the hot biographical chicks?

So basically the two hot chicks are fighting over the powerful guy.  Wasn’t this on desperate housewives?  Are you sure you’re not confusing this with one of those shows?

No, now shut up.   This story is fucking awesome but I need you to shut up so I can tell it.

Fine, go on.

So fucked up diplomat/not a diplomat chick, here after referred to as Dip, gets threatening letters from crazy-hot biographer chick.   Being concerned with the nature of the emails Dip turns to a friend in the FBI and asks for help.  Help means, according to the FBI agent in question, ‘send me shirtless photos’.

So wait, what?  The FBI agent, after talking to Dip and seeing the threatening emails decides to send her shirtless photos as a way of helping?   That sounds more like a secret service kind of thing.

Well, did I mention Dip is pretty hot?

Proceed sir. 

Well she is and here’s the better part of it.    From all accounts she was also married to a doctor and the two of them, once the media shoved a spotlight up their asses, are dead broke but, and get this, portray themselves as rich socialites but they’re fucking broke.   Even better they have a charity which basically blew the donations on parties and travel and shit.  She also had some bullshit title like, ‘social engineering liaison with the embassy of the …

What’s the charity for?

How the fuck should I know?  Who cares?

I do.  What’s the charity for?

Fuck, I don’t know.  It’s for kids that poop out their ears … it’s not important.

That’s not even a real thing.   You’re an asshole.

Do you want to hear the rest of this or not?

No, not really.

Well fuck you, you’re going to.

Fine …

So while Dip is a complete fuckstain of human life the FBI agent, in between sending topless photos of himself, turns the ‘case’ over to the FBI computer geeks and, I don’t know magic happens.   Bam the guy in question turns out to be the director of the CIA.

Great can we get back to talking about boobs and beer, this story sucks.

This story has boobs!  Have you not been paying attention?   I mean they’re implied boobs but still.

Implied boobs are the worst kind of boobs …

Shut up, we’re almost done.

So turns out during the course of the investigation a general, a Marine four-star general mind you, serving in Afghanistan and Dip have been exchanging what was first called ‘flirtatious emails’ and then were called the ‘email equivalent of phone sex’ messages.

Wait what?

Just what I said, the ‘email equivalent of phone sex.’  I read it on Foxnews.com!

How the fuck does that work?   “Oh baby you’ve got me so hot.  I hold you close to me, we kiss deeply” <send> <wait 6 hours>   <read reply> “I feel your cock throbbing in your pants with my hand” <send> <wait 2 hours>  …  that’s kind of fucking stupid.

But that’s like two powerful men getting ready to fall because of this bizarre sex scandal.   Isn’t’ that fucking crazy?

No you idiot it’s the oldest, stupidest, most retarded story ever told.   Powerful man falls because of hot chick, gee what a novel fucking concept.   This has NEVER happened before … OMG how crazy.  

Let me boil this whole thing down to five words.  

Man fucks crazy, crazy happens.

No dude this story has so much more too it! It has …

… No, no it doesn’t.   This story, in those five simple words, could be used a cautionary tale for generations.  Hell I think it IS a cautionary tale that has already been told for generations.  

Maybe you don’t understand the ramifications, the consequences, the world changing implications …

Stop.  It doesn’t matter if I do or not, it’s the same fucking story.   Powerful man with loving yet frumpy wife at home fucks crazy chick.  Crazy chick then goes crazy.   There did I sum it up?

You’re a dick.

No you are.  You thought somehow that you’d add some wise-cracking fun into what is a national security story about a powerful man fucking a crazy chick who then, and here’s the crazy part, goes crazy.   What the fuck could you possibly add?

Fucking you I’m going to bed.

I’m coming too.   Can we at least watch “girls gone wild?”

Only if it’s the girls gone wild diplomatic corps edition.


Another plea for a hero … support for Sgt. 1st Class Taylor starts with us.

First things first, thanks for reading. The last 24 hours have seen more traffic here than any other period in this blogs short history. More as in thousands more. Thanks for the hits, thanks for the shares and thanks for giving. Sadly that’s where we’ve come up short badly. Today his fund has almost double yesterday’s amount but it’s still far, far short of it’s goal.

We’re talking of course about Sgt. 1st Class Walter Taylor’s legal defense fund and efforts that are underway to help him raise $35,000.

This update is all about how you can donate (hint: that’s the link) and why you should donate. There will be, sadly, none of this blogs usual shenanigans – Taylor’s situation is far too dire for jokes. I mean that, its tough for me to say, I think almost anything can be a joke. Not this time though …

The good news is that even if you live overseas and have an APO mailing address you can STILL donate. In the address line where it asks for your city type in APO AE and in the line where they ask for your state, select New York and viola, donate away!

Pretty painless really, easier than purchasing on Amazon or iTunes so please, I beg you, head there now and donate whatever you can. Also again, repost this on Facebook and twitter and where ever else you find an audience because as you know or will soon know the recipient of this money is an American hero.

Why should you donate?

In an effort to fight out what appears to be politically motivated criminal charges SFC Taylor, wisely, hired a civilian attorney. Rather than risk it with a U.S. Army appointed defense lawyer, who may or may not be up to the job, SFC Taylor in an effort to save himself, his family and his career sought out and employed a civilian attorney well versed in military law.

This is an excellent move because, as you know, he did nothing wrong on July 21, 2011.

SFC Taylor, a combat engineer, and his platoon, set out on a road-clearing patrol that day to ensure that the roads in his area of operation were free of roadside bombs. They literally went out looking for bombs that day and every other day during their tour of duty. It was their job. They found the largest roadside bomb any of them had ever had the misfortune of encountering. Seconds after the devastating blast they were engaged by small-arms fire and during the course of that fire fight a black sedan, unbelievably, drove into the middle of it all. To the seasoned vets of his platoon this alone warranted serious suspicion that the vehicle’s occupants were enemy forces. Civilian vehicles just don’t drive into an ongoing fire fight.

This bizarre twist of events, coupled with the fact that during the ‘fog of battle’ several members of the platoon reported seeing shots coming from the sedan led to some of the platoon’s vehicle mounted heavy weapons engaging the vehicle.

After the firefight Taylor and three other members of the platoon followed a wire that had been used to detonate the road-side bomb – insanely the wire seemed to lead directly to the now silent black sedan.

SFC Taylor’s Platoon leader, just moments before he started following the wire, warned him that there were reports of insurgents using vehicles as bombs. The black sedan, he and everyone else thought, was obviously another bomb intent on taking his life and the life of his men.

As he followed the wire he came as close as 10 to 25 meters from the vehicle something else inexplicable happened. A figure dressed in black exited the vehicle from the rear-passenger door and ran toward the vehicle’s trunk. Reports differ but, by all estimates, Taylor has between 3 and 10 seconds to make a decision. Was the person friend or foe?

Think about that … 3 to 10 seconds. I imagine it’s something akin to this:

1 second: The door flies open.

2 seconds: A foot emerges from the door

3 seconds: A person’s lower torso emerges

4 seconds: The person is out of the vehicle, facing you and they are covered in black

5 seconds: The person begins in your direction and toward the trunk of the car

6 seconds …

You get the idea. Fearing for his life and more importantly fearing for the lives of his Soldiers Taylor shot and killed the cloaked figure only to discover, to his horror, he’d killed an innocent person. That in and of itself is more punishment they he deserves. It’s very unfortunate that it occurred but that it occurred is neither criminal nor careless – protecting yourself and your platoon from what would to any sane mind appear to be a suicide bomber is clearly the correct thing to do.

Here’s that link again, just in case you missed it. Any little bit, $5, $20 whatever amount you feel comfortable giving will help. If it’s $30 or more they’ll send you a bumber sticker that says I support SFC Taylor, how cool is that?

This isn’t going to be the last update as you can likely guess but I hope it’s the one that pushes his defense fund over the $10,000 mark. Finally, post this, reblog this, link this far and wide.

One final thing, I feel like I need to add a disclaimer. While I am retired from the U.S. Army and am currently employed as a Department of the Army Civilian the words here and my urging you to donate in no way reflect an official position by anyone or any entity besides me. This blog, and the updates regarding this case, are my opinion and should by no means be construed as endorsment by the U.S. Army or the U.S. government.

You know just in case you were wondering.


Karen Klein fails to do job, gets rich. Sgt. 1st Class Taylor does job, gets screwed. We are truly a nation of idiots …

Karen Klein is rich and we’re idiots.

This is going to be a two-part update. Not two part as in I post one now and the other whenever I feel like it but rather a two part in that the first portion will be about me wondering what the fuck is wrong with America and the second part will be about me wondering what the fuck is wrong with America.

Look it’s about two different people okay.

Karen Klein, chances are by now you’ve seen the video and read about America’s outpouring of support for the grandmother who was viciously verbally assaulted by, wait for it, 12-year-olds. Some reports now put donations at over half a million dollars because ‘grandma’ didn’t do her fucking job.

That’s right, it was her job to control the 30 or so 12-year-olds. She failed and you all collectively said, “OH MY GOD THAT’S SO SAD!” and then gave her $20 a piece. You’re pathetic (assuming you gave her a dime that is) and she’s pathetic.

Look, I don’t have kids so if you want to close the browser and yell out “well he just doesn’t know’ now that’s fine. That aside I can easily think of three VERY simple things that would’ve resolved the situation quickly.

1: Kids listen up, ONE more word and this bus goes back to the school where I’ll have the principal call each and every one of your parents.

2: Hold up your own phone (don’t have one Grams? That was kind of dumb) and announce “this is all being recorded, unless this behavior stops right now I’m turning it over to (insert authority figure here).

3: Sucker punch the next 12-year-old that opens his or her mouth. Yeah, yeah that’s bad but I’d have contributed to her defense fund then because that would have been HYSTERICAL!

What fun and ham fisted that was but the point is 12-year-olds are idiots, they are. Have you listened to Justin Bieber, resolved, 12-year-olds are fucking retarded. If you can’t outsmart one of them (even after having raised your own hoard) then what the fuck are you doing on that bus?

You baby boomers make me sick. Would your parents have put up with that shit? Hell no they were the greatest generation, more concerned with killing Nazis and cranking the bombing making technology up to 11.

We collectively make me sick, instead of asking ourselves how a grown woman let that happen (they’re fucking 12 remember) we opened our hearts and wallets cause ‘those kids were mean.” There are also reports of the kids and their parents being harassed, fight bullying with bullying I guess.

And what does Karen plan to do with her half a million (besides take ‘the vacation of a lifetime’ for fuck’s sake)? She plans to keep doing the job she absolutely sucks at.

Sgt. 1st Class Taylor is poor, we’re still idiots.

Now I’d like to turn your attention to Sgt. 1st Class Walter Taylor, who had to make a life or death decision in literal seconds. While on patrol in Afghanistan, after his unit (a unit that was designed to find IEDs) encountered the worst road-side bomb of their tour, came under small-arms fire. During the ensuing fire fight a black sedan drove into the battle, something that is unheard of for a civilian vehicle. Couple that with the fact that his unit has just been briefed about the possibilities of suicide vehicle borne bombs and what happen next barely registers on my radar above the level of “unfortunate but understandable”.

After the gunfight, while following a wire used to detonate the bomb (a wire which seemed to lead up to the black sedan) Taylor came within 10 meters of the vehicle when a figure leapt from the rear passenger door and moved toward the trunk of the vehicle. Taylor did what you or I or anyone else would do in that situation, he fired his weapon but subsequently discovered he’d killed an innocent person.

So of course Taylor faces charges of negligent homicide and dereliction of duty under the uniform code of military justice because … well I don’t know the because here, I just know it’s the reality.

I’ve sat though a lot of court marshals probably 20 or so. Ninety-nine percent of the time the accused on the stand is guilty as sin. This, in my opinion, wasn’t one of them. His stellar career, really it is a stellar career, aside what did the Army want this platoon sergeant to do, die to prove a point? Had he had the time to logically think it through, say space aliens paused everyone but him, the choice was kill the civilian or let myself and my platoon members (there were three others with him) die.

When a platoon deploys to a war zone, and I know this as fact, they become family. More than family in some ways, the bond runs deeper than family, family isn’t facing death every day, every minute, every second. His platoon was in, what few would argue, the worst stretch of road in Afghanistan with orders to find all the road-side bombs and Oh, by the way, we now believe there are now suicide vehicle bombs as well so umm, good luck out there.

I’ll take she’s dies for $1,000 Alex and I’ll need that money because a civilian attorney is expensive.

Here’s the point, he hired a civilian lawyer rather than run the risk of being assigned a military one that passed the bar last night and has argued two cases. Not a dumb move by anyone’s standard.

So here’s where I ask you all to do, go to this site and donate $20, or $50 or even $100, whatever you can do. I did it, you’ll notice they’re woefully short of their humble $35,000 goal (having raised a whopping $1,180 as of this blog post) yet Karen, dear Karen gets the vacation of her dreams and half a million.

Did I mention that just a few short weeks later Taylor was hit in the face by RPG shrapnel? He’s, and I’ve met him, disfigured and blind in one eye. Yeah he’s got that going for him too.

Finally, look I love it when you all share this blog on FB or retweet it … I absolutely love it. It tickles my ‘narcissistic’ button like nothing else can. But this time I’m asking, begging, cut the part about Karen if you feel the need but repost this. Taylor deserves half a million but needs $35,000.

Homophobic Master Sgt. to Stars and Stripes, ‘teh gays are gross!’

Corey thinks this photo makes baby Jesus cry ...

Today in the European edition of the Stars and Stripes newspaper a Master Sergeant serving in Afghanistan offered readers this wonderful piece  (link). While the letter’s to the editor section of Stars and Stripes has long been both the equivalent to an internet fight among 7th graders (Is not! Is to!) it’s also typically filled with wonderfully retarded opinions. Normally I chuckle and read Pearls before Swine but Corey Wade really caught my attention.

Dear Corey,

How’s the hatred of the gays going?  Seems you’re boiling over in fact with hate. I’d watch the blood pressure; maybe write Limbaugh or Reverend Jones a letter to provide a little relief. From reading this letter you seem to have gotten yourself into a good old fashioned bible- thumping rage over it. That’s awesome, good job … wait a minute.

Did I just read that right Corey? You’re a master sergeant in the U.S. military? Holy shit dude you’re likely in charge of people! I think you might even be the kind of person that the Sergeant Major of the Army talked about recently. The kind he talked about getting rid of I mean.

Okay, because I like you, I’m going to help.

You see in November of 2008 this guy was elected to be our president. I know, I know you didn’t vote for him but the majority of us did and he won. Democracy is a great thing isn’t it? One of those things we both have in common, you and I Corey, is that we love our country. Anyway one of the things he promised was that he’d repeal don’t ask don’t tell.

A lot of people, myself included, thought the whole DADT was kind of like segregation. You don’t think segregation in our armed services was a good thing do you? Good, I hoped not. That aside, our feelings (yours AND mine) really don’t matter (well yours don’t, I’m retired). See the guys and gals in charge (some of them might even be gay guys and gals) said, with the President’s permission, “You can now serve openly if you’re homosexual.”

End of debate.

Now here’s where my heartburn comes with your lovely little hate-filled rant. I really only give it a 6 on a scale of 1 – 10 for general hate-filled shitgasims but for utter bullshit, you’re off the charts Corey. Have a lollypop, good job.

I assume you attended the repeal of DADT Training, I did and it was a hoot! Maybe you had to go to the bathroom when this bullet statement was on the screen.

The Army maintains:

  • Zero tolerance for harassment, violence, or discrimination

I assume you missed it because you wrote: It’s bad enough to publish articles that cover the debauchery of homosexuality.

Were I your subordinate and gay (I’m neither), I’d be more than a little hesitant about approaching you for anything/everything. You’ve basically told me that I’m disgusting and or a sinner. I’m guessing it more of an ‘and’ not an ‘or’ but that’s just a guess. What kind of leader does that make you?  If your subordinates know you think their sexuality makes you disgusting and a sinner I mean.  Do you think that might call into question your ability to take care of your subordinates? I think so, but I also think bible-thumping, narrow-minded bigots in positions of power should be shouted down at every opportunity.

You see Corey, your opinion, no matter how backwards, hateful and wrong, doesn’t matter.

If I, in 1948 had said Harry S. Truman was a fucktard and the ‘the blacks (and let’s be honest, no one said blacks)’ shouldn’t serve next to whites you’d rightfully think I was a racist scumbag and an idiot to boot. You, my good friend, are a bible thumping homophobe … thou doth protest too much!

Besides being a shitty leader by letting your personal beliefs get in the way of your duty you’re also, very fucking wrong. Making fun of statements that are just chocked full of bull-shit is always more fun (to me) than picking on someone’s belief in an invisible man in the sky.

While the bible may or may not say homosexuality it wrong, we all know there’s a lot of whacky stuff in there.   How do you pick and chose which parts you’re going to follow and which parts you’re going to ignore?   Have you let any cattle graze with other kinds of cattle lately? Know any Buddhists? I think you’re supposed to kill them. I propose at your next bible study session you ask the group what the official stance on sitting on a seat that a menstruating woman has sat on is, do you have to kill her too or what? That book is just full of rules, a lot of them made sense (maybe) when we were still living in mud huts but they have no place in today’s society. 

Finally some factual fun: here’s this little gem from your letter.

“The vast majority of military members I know do not support homosexuality.”

Nobody’s asking you to go to a gay-pride parade here buddy. You can even keep your narrow-minded bigotry if you

Gay people obviously have more fun than straight people at parades ...

really want to but now you just have to keep it to yourself. Vote for the guy that opposes homosexuality, Santorum I think his name is if you must.

While it may be true that most of the military members you know don’t support homosexuality (a statement I frankly doubt) the fact remains that 70% of today’s service members DO support the repeal of DADT. You’re echo chamber of religious fired hate aside; most of your fellow service members have joined most of the rest of the modern world in their opinion of the decision.

Corey, the exact same argument has been made every time rights were extended to a group that was previously disenfranchised. I think most of us agree that having slaves is a bad thing and that allowing people of all races and genders to vote is a good thing.

One final thing about your letter Corey:

“America is in a deep moral slide and this country will pay the due penalty of its errors.”

Corey, if this is true, what are you doing in uniform? Aren’t you in essence helping this decline? Corey you’re very vocal but you obviously don’t have the courage to do anything substantive, like most cowards.