Tag Archives: athiest

German flowers, atheists and the bathroom … an update about nothing


I just tried to revive something that was dead, well mostly dead.  It has a pulse but its faint and thread bare and any other medical-sounding terms I might have heard somewhere.

It was something I wrote a while back and didn’t upload to here cause well, it sucked.   It was written drunk, edited while sober and pronounced dead about a minute ago.

So basically this is another update where I say I got nothing.   The last time this happened I told you Condoleezza Rice was hot, and she is.

So how about a few random bits of stupid observations about stuff.

Germans, the god-damn Germans

Maybe they will pay, maybe they wont. Okay it’s Germany they will.

German’s, at least here where I live, honestly plant fields of flowers and then put a barrel (think of it as a piggy bank) on the edge of the field, with a price for each type of flower and trust the shit out of everyone.   Funny point is it works.  Germans, My non German-ass included, dutifully pay that money, even when no one is looking.   I have full faith that in America someone would drive a 4×4 into the field, and then do donuts, at night just to be a dick.  No one would pay the price and the little knives that hang on the bottom of the pricelist that are used to cut the flowers would all be stolen on day, nay, hour one.

Seriously, some farmer plants a ton of different flowers.  Puts a barrel in the field with some dull knives and gives the customer the price of each flower.   Customers here cut the flower (with or without the dull provided knife) and deposit the knife in its place and then put money in the barrel.

Someone in America given the same situation, and you know it’s true, would totally poop in the barrel after destroying the flowers, stealing all the dull knives all the while facebooking about it.

Germans are so fucking trusting you but buy into the system, fuck it 14 sunflowers cost 10 Euros and I’m the dick if I don’t pay it when no one’s looking.

Dagmar looks over 90% of these updates.

Dagmar is SO goddamn sick of my sense of humor and after this many years who can blame her?  When she reads these updates, and occasionally laughs out loud, I yell out, “what, what part was funny?”

Really I do.

Look I was an enlisted public affairs dork for the U.S. Army for 20 years.   Years ago that mean you, ‘were the editor of the base/fort/caserne/camp’s newspaper.”   So if you spelled Caseme Ederle that way (and I did) in the headline you got a lot of shit when the paper hit the street in the morning.   Dagmar understood and lay in bed with me at night copy editing, so fuck I trust her edits here.   She doesn’t make many edits here, which scares the shit out of me.

I do go back in and change shit here when I see an obvious mistake but they are mostly on 20% of the updates mainly, the ones she hasn’t seen.

Mostly.   Read that last word in voice of the little girl in the movie Alien’s II.  “They mostly edit at night, mostly.”

I’m an atheist.

I had this big-ass idea in my head about how I would ‘come out’ about my atheism and then beer happened.   There’s a lot of news right now, a lot of books, a lot of talk about atheism but really, who cares?  If you believe in a higher power, good for you!  I think you’re wrong but why should I type a lot of words, put a lot of thought and effort into … into what?  Converting you?   You’re not going to be converted and I’m not going to become a believer in a higher power.    I’m kind of pissed off at atheists that are yelling in the media right now.  We’re a barely oppressed minority, chill.  Facts will eventually beat out believe, every time.   Really guys, chill.  We’re getting there.  Yelling, screaming, hell proselytizing, only adds noise.

Fact will beat out fantasy, every time.  Wait.

Okay maybe that does deserve its own update later.

I don’t understand the bathroom, specifically the shower …

This is likely more to any guys reading this, ever read the shit on the bottles your lady has in the shower?

Really, I mean really read it?

WTF, let’s spell it out cause using the capital letters doesn’t do George Carlin justice, What the fuck are you ladies doing in the shower?  Really what’s a sleep mask?  It’s in a bottle with a squeeze top.

(Dagmar breaking in:  Really that’s funny? I bought that crap six years ago, in Afghanistan, and it’s finally used up.   It’s a wonder my hair hasn’t fallen out.  Really Todd?)

Okay I actually just went up into the shower and looked.  It’s not a face mask, its better it’s restorative hair mask and something that is titled “sleep”.

Just a bottle called fucking, “sleep.”

The actual text

It also says and I directly quote:

RELAX BEFORE SLEEP.

 Lavender Essential Oils and Vanilla

Absolute help calm feelings of

stress so you can sleep better.

Seriously there are typos here that would make Hunter S. Thompson cry but, what the fuck is that, really what is it?  Absolute help calm feelings I want to punch you right now.

G-Gank gives me an intervention … the jerk.


Democrats …. Always right except for when they’re wrong and then still mostly right. Yeah G-gank doesn’t do the photo captions. (Photo credit, Wikipedia)

Anyone who is a Jew is the Devil.  Anyone who is a Methodist is freaking jack-off.   Anyone who is Catholic has been brain washed.  Yup there are people that believe this, and say this…. Just like there are people who call you a fucking asshole for the political party you freely choose to endorse. Let’s just suppose that everyone in the United States became a Democrat….  Would the world be a better place?  I don’t think it would, because differences are what challenge people to achieve greater things.

Flag of the United States on American astronau...

Neil Armstrong America’s greatest cyclist. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If we were all Communists, then the space race would have never happened and Neil Armstrong would have been just another guy who raced in the tour de France.

If we were all from Jamaica, sure we would all have killer weed, but shit…. nothing would ever get done because we would all be baked.  (Actually, I firmly believe that the DEA should surrender all confiscated weed to Congress… that would be awesome to see them totally stoned…. it would totally promote harmony.)

You do not have to agree with a person’s political or religious belief but dam it you should not be critical to the point of making personal attacks on that person.  You should commend that person for their beliefs and think openly about the views of others.  It is the closed-minded person who is the real piece of shit for they never expand their thinking and will never achieve greatness.

I lived with a guy who was an atheist and for the life of me I don’t know how he could live his life that way, but I never ridiculed him for his way of thinking.  I have friends who are drum-pounding Democrats but do not think any less of them because of their beliefs.  In fact I try to understand what drives them.  Hell, I have voted for republicans and democrats….  For me it’s not what party they belong to it’s what the individual stands for.

Of course I wish everyone in the world was like me but that would be a really screwed up world.  More importantly, if everyone was like me, I would never be able to get a Tee time at the Golf Course

Now to the point of this whole piece…

When you … I feel … Because …  And I want …

Todd Oliver (the guy running hadafewbeers) please sit down – this is your

Photo caption is “i got nothing” other than I totally stole this from the History Channel. Photo credit, the History Channel.

intervention.

I know you are my friend but:

When you  – say I am an idiot for supporting a republican, or being a Catholic,

I Feel – Angry and Sad.

Because – your words are hurtful I think it jeopardizes our friendship.

And I want – you to be more considerate for my feelings and have a little respect for my freedom of choice.

Is there anyone else in the room that wants to say something to Todd?

Ok, I see some of you are a bit hesitant to speak up and that’s OK.  Just the fact that you are here today re-enforces the fact that you love Todd.  Not the kind of head-banging love that would bestow upon a big-titted stripper but rather the kind of love one gives to a dear friend.

So the next time you are quick to judge any of us who pay homage to God, Buddha, Jesus, or that fucking 6-hose water bong just remember the world is a better place because we are different and not everyone has to think like you…  so stop forcing people to suck on that Democratic Donkey Dick, after all if we all sucked it there would be nothing left for you.