Words fail me on many Facebook updates so this is best I can do. You cloned a wave and made a heart. Good job?
As some of you that follow me on Facebook already know, I sadly cannot send new friend invites for seven days because I “sent friend invites to people I didn’t know.”
Which I didn’t know I did and am pretty sure I didn’t do but they didn’t know that when they said I did and …
Well the point is that for the next seven days I can’t randomly invite people to become my friends that I don’t know. Which I think is about the same as me saying I’m also not going to watch television shows I don’t like, that I’m not going to read articles I have no interest in and I’m sure as shit not going to listen to any country music.
Who the hell, besides spammers, would do that to begin with? I tired, with no success, to figure out through official Facebook pages why this happened to me. But all I could come up with there was the official ‘don’t send friend requests to people you don’t know.”
Erika Fields thinks it might be a matter of someone I know, that’s forgotten me (WHY HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ME) reporting a friend request I sent. Which might be, and likely is, the case but who knows.
The closest I could come to an actually explanation was at hoax-slayer. A great site for debunking bullshit internet rumors but the best they had to offer was ‘no one’s ever been banned for it so shut up.’ Which, okay I don’t have any urgent desire to befriend that dude that works in supply but really why did this happen?
This leads me to a ‘had a few beers’ update I started a month ago but never finished. Here are the first few paragraphs.
“So Facebook sucks now right?
I totally saw that on HuffPo and thought, “CRAP I was going to write that!”
I mean I was going to write that without the hard survey data they have and without any of the insight you get from there and I was TOTALLY going to post this update on Facebook cause that that’s where everyone that reads this (most everyone – thanks subscribers) finds the link but otherwise … FACEBOOK totally sucks now, right?
I mean grandma is there, never mind that her last status update was “What time does Applebee’s open for lunch” forcing you to remind her, yet again, that Facebook isn’t Google. Never mind that.
I mean timeline … fuck that crap right? Yeah that stuff sucks. And the advertisements fuck those things. I care not Facebook if there are or are not any hot singles in my area you fucking perverts, wait keep those …
But then of course it dawned on me that yeah I was going to put this on Facebook and even though all the updates in my feed are from someone that
Honey you’re getting ‘forest’ all over your feet … druids are dead for a reason, let’s move on.
thinks fairies are real or thinks that ‘guns, god and country’ is a sound policy for our nation who the fuck am I to bitch about it?
It’s not Facebook that sucks in those examples. In fact Facebook doesn’t suck at all, and even if it does I need to remember that I’m not the consumer, I’m the product.
I mean I don’t know what your Facebook bill was last month but mine was still zero dollars and zero cents and Facebook has gone to great lengths to convince those naive enough to believe otherwise that they will never charge for access to Facebook.
See besides that photo your Aunt Pam posted of you naked it the tub at two and the post by ‘that guy that works across the street’ about how much he, hates, hates, hates timeline (I don’t I think it’s kind of cool haha) notice the ads?
Yeah, there are a lot of them.
We, the users, are being sold on Facebook. We’re the bread the baker bakes, the meat the butcher sells and the beer the brewer brews.
Which brings us back to beer and that’s the way God intended.
I was going to wait until ‘hadafewbeers.com’ earned me 1 million internet dollars before I started a Facebook ‘like’ page but this being my second warning for something I have no knowledge of doing I think it’s best to do it soon.
The page is Like it or I’ll send you a fucking friend request … as soon as my seven days are up.
