I’ve got a problem with my shorts.
Screw you they’re my favorite shorts and damn it they deserve an update.
This is important for Christ’s sake.
Yeah, yeah the wife feels better and that dude that drank lemonade and maple syrup and cayenne pepper didn’t die and to hell with him! Who the fuck thought that was a good idea in the first place? “Yeah let’s toss some raw lemon spooze, maple syrup, hot pepper and my balls into a glass and call it a ‘purge’, cause ‘purge’ is a hot word right now right?”
I wish I could write fad diets, I’d screw with all of you, one part unicorn, two parts Chinese bear gall bladder, five tears of a five year old … it’s modern day witchcraft and I’d have field day.
Anyway fuck the Master Cleanse dude he’s not dead (but hopefully writing here again), the diet was retarded and back to my shorts.
Also hihi GiGi … you rock. To hell with you she does.
This is about my shorts.
My shorts man, my shorts.
They’re currently my favorite shorts because my real favorite shorts developed a hole in the butt that was so large the wife tossed them out.
She was right to do it though, damn her she normally is. I mean you can’t wear them to the neighbor’s BBQ anymore at all. “Hey great grilled pork Elka, have you seen my ass yet? No? Wait a moment and you will. Hey Hans, did you catch the game?”
So here’s the issue. They have a hole just above the knee on the right leg. But every time I sit down my knee pokes through the hole and if I’m not careful, makes the hole bigger.
The quandary you ask, as in, “why the fuck are you bugging me with this bullshit” is this.
Should I just rip the hem off entirely or let it slowly die?
If I just rip off the hem entirely, I’m free of the fear that next Saturday morning I’ll inadvertently put my foot into the leg and rip it off like Bernard Madoff (which is the funniest last name ever, better than Anthony Weiner even, I mean MAD OFF, made off, I just pooped my favorite shorts laughing … ) but that exposes the shorts to undue stress and I’m not sure they can take it.
I need a shorts doctor stat.
I’m aware there are no shorts doctors.
P.S. Dagmar says, after reading this, I’m just going to throw them out, it’s almost winter.
- Spicy lemonade with a chance of hallucinations … guest blogger with a trendy weight-loss plan, what can go wrong? (hadafewbeers.com)
- Don’t Bother Mastering This Cleanse (gigieatscelebrities.com)
- Master Cleanse dieter not dead but wished he was… Also now eating ‘food’ (hadafewbeers.com)
- Sweet & Spicy Roasted Cashews (simplybittenkitchen.net)