Facebook wall photos that piss me off …

Okay look I know I’ve got very little or even no room to talk here but I’m going to talk anyway.   My facebook feed has been blown up over the past several months with shit like this.  Yeah yeah we all (well mostly all) do it but are some of the ones that either made me laugh (for the wrong reasons) or made me litterally roll my eyes.

Cancer is BAD!

I admit it, I was too cool.

Remember the old email spam that said for every forward of an email Bill Gates will donkey-punch a hooker, err I mean he would give a nickel to (insert the charity here)?  If you ever recieved one you (hopefully) rolled your eyes and questioned the wisdom of getting gramma an internet connection.  As retarded as those emails were, this one is even worse.   How is posting this honoring anyone or anything?   This has the exact same effect of my opening my bedroom window and yelling, “I honor cancer victims” really, really loudly.   Actually that has more effect, I’ll annoy the neighbors and I might scare a cat.  You want to show me that you honor cancer victims?  Upload a receipt of your donation to a cancer charity or better yet do some volunteer work.   That honors cancer victims.  Jesus Christ, I need a fucking cigarette.    

  Look, if I was 100% truthful you’d beat the crap out of me

This one I think is for people that never got over the whole Santa Clause thing.   

Basically, Santa was having an affair with your mom, you knew that right?

 Fine, but sit down and have a drink first.  Yes you’re too fat.  That’s an ugly baby.  You really are stupid.   That dress makes you look like a whore.  I thought your idea was idiotic.   I haven’t written or called because I don’t give a shit.  Oh yeah and you’re new hobby doesn’t interest me at all.  I’m going out for a drink with the boys because you’re driving me insane.  I bought you this expensive gift because I thought it would get me into your pants.   I spent little Jonny’s college fund on hookers and blow last weekend in Vegas, the bank didn’t a mistake.

You’re right that was better.

 No, it really doesn’t matter, even though you think it does

After its all over I'm having a beer

Look, if we’re really gone, as in dead, it doesn’t  matter, at all.   How we treat each other matters right now, not later and surely not after we’re dead.   On my tombstone put:

Todd Oliver*
Born blah, blah, blah
Died blah, blah, blah.

 * he was an asshole

 I’ll be gone.  I won’t mind, It’s okay really.

Yeah, yeah I know this is talking about after the agruement but when I first read it I thought it meant after we’re dead.

  This or That? When or Why

lolz at fat gurls!

I know exactly when this happened; it was Nov 20, 1993 at exactly 4:13 p.m., I remember because I was eating a cheeseburger. 

It was a really good cheeseburger. 

Why did this become hotter than this?   That’s the real question here isn’t it?   I can tell you why, because you and me and every one of us ‘bought’ it.

 We drive the market for this shit not the other way around.    As an aside anyone else find it hysterical that we Americans get collectively fatter each year while our super models could blend in with famine victims?  

That shit cracks me up.

I ♥ ‘MERICA!

Get yer gun!

 

I post on face book a lot of political shit.  Seriously it’s a lot of politicl crap, my wild ass guess is that about 50% of what I say there relates to politics.  But even this, were it to reflect my political opinions, is over the top.

Let’s start at the bottom and work our way up. 

Eighty Six percent of the people reading this are going to finally have 100% proof  that you’re an idiot.   Your two redneck friends from high school will repost it and your coworkers are going to eye you suspiciously at work tomorrow.

Term limits.  Good idea, if only we had some sort of voting system to help us with that.

Balanced budget AND tax reform?  I hope you were extra good this year if that’s what you’re hoping to get for Christmas.  You want these things?  Good idea, next time you vote for a senator, congressman or even the president, make sure the he or she can compromise a bit.  That’s how this  should work, each side gives a little and the result is in the middle.   Simply yelling ‘no’, is what two year olds do.

No freebies to non citizens and closed borders, first off no voy a recoger la lechuga de mierda and does the term xenophobia mean anything to you?  Because you forgot to add it I’ll give you a free one, no shira law either, amiright?  

The constitution and the bill of rights are great but how is that culture?   Look you can have a bill of rights and a constitution and live in a society where every second Sunday of the month all males over the age of 16 dip their balls in green paint and yell, “I have green balls” because that’s the cultural norm.  

English is a language.   Now  please look up culture, thanks.  

Ahh here is the nut of it, “Obama gone”.  Relax man he will be gone … in 2016.

 Lay off the drugs (while on Facebook)

 This one is just weird.  It’s like Frodo from Lord of the Rings meets soft porn and well she does have a sweet

I think I need this printed on a shirt

rack.  Anyway, can anyone explain this?   I thought not.   Has anyone told that three wolf one moon guy at Amazon about this image?  Can someone?  Thanks.

And finally …

That's great. Are you going to show me your boobs or not?

You know who else was a best friend and a worst nightmare, Hitler.  Are you saying women are like Hitler?  Surely someone considered Hitler their best friend, maybe an old high-school buddy or that kid that grew up next to him.   He was the guy in the bar that would say, “What about Adolf, he’s my best friend you know.”   Minus the whole genocide, invasion of western and eastern Europe thing I fully agree.   Women are like Hitler.