Tag Archives: women’s rights

Dem ladies to GOP dudes; stop legislating stuff into our vaginas and we’ll leave your rectum alone


While scanning the Huffington Post this morning I found this bit of happy news, Virginia State Sen. Janet Howell (D), sponsored a bill requiring that men receive a rectal exam before allowing a doctor to proscribe erectile enhancement drugs.

I want to buy Ms. Howell a beer, or a glass of wine or whatever the hell she wants to drink because, aside from the message here, that’s brilliantly funny.  

Life in 1950 was pretty boring and that's the way the GOP liked it.

To anyone not paying attention, the GOP’s efforts to turn the clock back to 1951 in regards to women’s reproductive rights are hitting the news channels with frightening (read it’s an election year) regularity.   It’s as if the GOP is standing on the nation’s soap box yelling that women can’t be trusted with their own bodies and that if everyone would just stop with all the fucking the world would be pure again.  Purely empty maybe but you get my meaning.

While I’m sure most republican’s realize Mad Men is not a reality show and that it’s in fact 2012, the rest of us thought we’d solved this whole contraceptives, abortion, women’s health debate years ago.

Apparently we were misinformed.

In February Virginia attempted to require that doctors perform a vaginal ultrasound before allowing a woman to have an abortion.  While there are legitimate, if only because of state law, reasons prior to an abortion, for a vaginal and other types of ultrasound public outcry, correctly, pointed out that the doctor is more likely to know which procedure is best and which is just a state-mandated, invasive, and all around ‘get your ass back in the kitchen’ misogynistic bullshit.

This from the side of the fence that constantly screams about Obama Care being an example of invasive government.

Arizona also joined in the fun.   But in typical Arizona fashion they added their own “just fucking mean” amendment to their abortion bill.*   In effect they tried to make it legal for your doctor to lie to you, you meaning a woman, you know the lesser sex.  “No ma’am you’re not pregnant, that morning sickness can all be attributed to bad tacos and come back in a few months when you’ve already discovered the truth.”

What? You're black AND the president? I'm gonna have to have one of my sheriffs investigate this shitz!

Jesus Christ Arizona, when not yelling at the president on national TV, decrying that the president isn’t a natural born citizen or hassling brown people you’re writing laws that tell doctors its okay to lie to their patients.   People often look to Florida for crazy state politics and with good reason.   Arizona though also has crazy politics, but unlike Florida, in Az. it’s just fucking mean.

Also if you look at … wait!  Holy crap I just really, really read those links and while Virginia and Arizona are getting the flak, both bills have ALREADY been adopted by lots of other states.  Those sneaky bastards.

This paragraph, the one your reading right now, was going to be a nod to Ron Paul supporters.   I was going to say that although I think he’s a little too out there on some issues his stance on no government interference in reproductive rights is dead on the money.   Was. Going. To.  Key words, there because even libertarian ‘die in the street if you don’t have health insurance’ candidate Ron Paul is against a woman’s right to decide.  

That’s why both Huffington Post links are just that hysterical.   (Mostly) women legislators throwing the crazy right back in to the GOP’s faces.  

While some states want to mandate a vaginal probe with a 10 inch … dildo?  No.  A 10-inch vibrator?  No that wasn’t the term it’s a 10 inch sonogram wand.   I’m not making that up, although Gary Trudeau’s of Doonesbury fame, is catching flack for calling these bills out for what they are, and referring to the devices as  ‘shaming wands’ which strikes closer to the law’s intent I think.    Here’s a link to the actual cartoon and here’s a link to the rape quote he used in an interview with the Guardian.   Rape might be a bit strong but what do you call a medically unnecessary transvaginal ultrasound?   I mean it does sound kind of ‘rapey’ or just fucking plain out creepy.  It also takes ‘intrusive government health care’ to a different level

On many business trips, millions and millions of innocent sperm lose their lives ...

There’s the spilled semen bill (I’m not kidding) which I think was a Monty Python skit that seeks to, no shit, criminalizes men who ejaculate anywhere but inside a woman’s vagina.  You’re killing my porn but it just might be worth it.  There’s also Illinois state Rep. Kelly Cassidy who wants to force men hoping for a Viagra prescription to watch a film about men with painful boners.  Which I have to say is hysterical as well and bringing home the point.   You want boner pills?  Fine but first you have to watch this three hour movie of a man groaning in agony with an erect, throbbing, painful purple cock.   I’ll just press play, popcorn with extra butter anyone?

 Finally there’s this quote from the article:

Representatives of the Family Research Council Jeanne Monahan said, “… it’s an invasive surgery with real consequences, and I would think that most women want more rather than less information before having one.”

Which makes me wonder what the fuck Jeanne thinks Google and or conversations with doctors are for?  Well fair question is you live in Arizona I guess.

If you’re reading this and you’re planning on voting come November and specially if you have a vagina, but even if you don’t, I hope you take all these things into consideration and remember that only one party is out to fuck you, with a 10-inch shaming wand.

*to be fair the Arizona law has a sort of/kind of honest background.   It’s about couples that aren’t informed by their doctors that the fetus has some sort of deliberating medical condition which, after birth, causes said couples to, rightly I would guess; sue the fuck out of the doctor.   Although why the law is written in such a way that doesn’t help the couples as opposed to the doctor is anyone’s guess (hint: it’s Arizona is likely a good guess).

Rush Limbaugh, the Catholic Church and Obama, laughing his ass off.


Why Rush apologized and why it wasn’t an apology

After calling her a slut, a whore and demanding that she, and other sexually active women, upload videos of them having sex to the internet so we all can watch, Rush Limbaugh apologized to Sandra Fluke yesterday. Only he didn’t apologize and it’s our fault for not getting the joke. If the rest of America just had the ultra right’s sense of humor we’d all be … well we’d all be repealing the civil rights act, reversing Roe vs. Wade and women would get back into the goddamn kitchen where they belong (or uploading homemade porn, so maybe a win here).

Damnit you trying being funny while flying on this shit!

Damnit you trying being funny while flying on this shit!

I need some help. I can’t find the humor in these statements; “Well, what would you call someone who wants us to pay for her to have sex? What would you call that woman? You’d call ’em a slut, a prostitute or whatever” and “If we’re going to have to pay for this, then we want something in return, Ms. Fluke,” Limbaugh said. “And that would be the videos of all this sex posted online so we can see what we’re getting for our money.” Can you find the humor in those statements? Look I like David Letterman. I think Tosh.O is hysterical. I even like Black Adder, Arrested Development and that guy that works on the first floor of my office building, he cracks me up. If you can tell me where the joke is in those statements leave a comment, I’d love to have some insight.

But what the hell is the point of calling a woman, who during her testimony, never once used the word sex, a whore? It’s akin to me calling someone an alcoholic because they happen to be discussing grain. The closest she came to using the word sex is “women’s reproductive and sexual health care.”

That dirty, dirty whore.

When people criticize Rush Limbaugh by pointing out his girth, size and intellect as Senator Al Franken did in his 1999 book Rush Limbaugh is a big fat idiot (a great read if ONLY to show that in the last 13 years dear Rush hasn’t changed a bit) they do it with things called facts. These facts are proven to be facts by citing things that experts on a given subject have said. If you can do it using humor as Senator Franken did, great. It’s also clearly a joke.

One last note, just an observation really. While the President, who I’d argue is a bit busier than Rush, took the time out to call Ms. Fluke to express his support. Rush couldn’t (yet) even be bothered to say he was sorry on his talk show, let alone on the phone. That’s right he published the apology online. So come on Rush, it was just a misunderstanding as you put it and a bad joke? Let’s hear you get all hyped up and sweaty about it, the way you do when you’re talking to the party faithful, preferably during the third hour of your show, cause that’s generally when you’re all worked up and raving like a loon anyway.

Sure do hope those advertisers come back by the way.

Why the Catholic Church and the first amendment isn’t the same as Obama apologizing to Afghans*

I’m excited and baffled that this discussion is even happening at all. I am thrilled as a democrat though that it’s taking place among the GOP. Well I guess it’d be a kind of boring discussion among the democrats, something akin to “Hey this birth control thing, great or just good?”

But the government forcing religious organizations to do something is exactly what the first amendment is there to prevent! You hear this all the time on Facebook, message boards, right wing websites and well, everywhere.

I guess I could write – “who fucking cares”, “no it isn’t” or “This is fucking retarded” here and be done with it but that wouldn’t quite be the point.

This is why I love Obama, he pisses off both the Afghans and the Catholics. I also think Mike Lavigne is facebook's greatest troll ... and I love him for it.

This is why I love Obama, he pisses off both the Afghans and the Catholics. I also think Mike Lavigne is facebook's greatest troll ... and I love him for it.

I’m sure, certain in fact, that Catholic institutions be they schools, hospitals or (for all I know) pool cleaning services do a lot of good for the people that they reach out to. That’s nice Catholic Church, thanks. Now about those altar boys … I kid, I kid. Point is I’m sure they help people that they intend to help, provided you’re not an altar boy.

But while the Catholic Church runs those institutions do you know who pays for them? If you guessed “tax dollars” you’re right! Well 62% right anyway. So while we’re having this fun and fancy discussion about 1st Amendment rights Cardinal George has said, “What altar boys? We don’t have any altar boys and besides we’re going to close down our Schools and Health Care institutions if you make us provide contraceptives.” Okay he didn’t say it like that exactly but he did say they’d close up shop, in two years.

This is the part where I say, “This is fucking retarded.” After providing them more than half their budget the Catholic Church gives the giver (that would be us, you and me) the finger and cries that the 1st amendment has been run afoul. The absolute minute that the Catholic Church starts funding these projects with 100% of their own funds, without a dime of tax payer money, I’ll reverse my opinion.

I’ll still think the Catholic Church is a misogynistic organization that has a lot of crimes it needs to answer for, that desperately needs to modernize and face reality but I’ll drop my objection to their issue with contraceptives.

Finally to those of you that are so sure the mean democrats are trampling the first amendment there’s the little issue of the 26 other states that, all by themselves, already guarantee contraceptive coverage by insurance organizations, nine of which specifically address religious exemptions with clauses such as, “Go fuck yourselves, if we’re giving you money you’re gonna do it” and “Jesus the Catholic Leadership is fucking retarded” . I’m not a lawyer but I hope that’s what the clauses say.

* I just realized I didn’t talk once about the Afghan situation and Obama’s apology for the Koran burning there. Look one side of this is full of backward, misogynistic, religions freaks and the Afghans suck too.

Why this discussion is good for Obama and bad for the GOP

Anyone not remember how this whole discussion started? I do because I wrote about it here and I admit that when I first heard about it I thought, Wow the administration is doing what? That can’t be good idea.

Then I thought about it a bit, googled and remembered everyone in the administration is likely a thousand times smarter than I am. And maybe, just maybe they were hoping this discussion would make it into the mainstream media and maybe it’s the kind of discussion that will show the American people, specifically the American female voter, how backwards the GOP’s extreme right really is.

Guess what happened?

This thing is SO entrenched as a GOP problem right now that I hope someone in the White House is having an ice cold beer and a good laugh right now.

Here’s the brilliance of it. Women tend to, by sizable majorities, vote democrat. They haven’t, percentage wise, voted for a republican since 1988 and who can blame them. Even I thought Dukakis was kind of a dork. Now what’s more likely to piss off woman voters in 2012, pushing through a bill that guaranteed their reproductive rights be covered by insurance companies or a bunch of older men debating the very legality of contraceptives in the first place. If you raised your hand and said, “Um the second one,” you’d be right!

Look we got a black guy in here with us, doesn't that count for something?

Look we got a black guy in here with us, doesn't that count for something?

Both Santorum and Romney, while SCARED AS SHIT OF PISSING OFF big daddy Rush, were quick to distance themselves from the language Rush used but not so much his position. Neither candidate seems to disagree with Rush’s opinion of the situation, just his words.

Having a position that basically says “sex is bad” and that a normal healthy adult woman shouldn’t have sex without a husband and without the express purpose of having a baby because doing so will likely damn you to hell is not a good 2012 position. What do you all think that aspirin comment was about anyway? These kinds of positions aren’t going to win over the MAJORITY of Americans to your side of the fence. That’s right 50.8 percent of Americans are women. While I’m certain not every one of them believes that women and women alone should be able to make their own reproductive choices I’d wager a large amount of money that most of them do.